Ah, bonjour, Eleonore.
Bonjour, Monsieur Bennett. Welcome back.
And this year you bring a lady guest?
No. There's a change of situation. Just me.
- Oh. Am I sad or not sad? - I think you're not surprised.
- And you stay here till Christmas? - Yeah, yeah.
Good. Well, I find you a perfect lady to clean the house.
- Er, bonjour, Aurelia. - Bonjour.
(French) Er, je suis, er, très heureux de vous avoir ici.
Unfortunately, she cannot speak French, just like you.
She's Portuguese.
(Italian) Ah, ah, buongiorno.
Eusebio, er, er...
(Pidgin Spanish) Er, molto bueno...
I think she's ten years too young to remember a footballer called Eusebio.
And "molto bueno" is Spanish.
Right.
Anyway, it's nice to meet you and...
Can you drive her home after her work?
Oh, absolutely, yes. Con-Con grande, er, pl-plesura.
Which is what? Turkish?
(Pidgin Portuguese) Bello.
Er, bella.
Er, mon-montagno,
arvarez...
No, right. Silence is golden.
As the Tremeloes said.
(Portuguese) Thank you very much but no.
If you saw my sister, you'd understand why.
That's all right, more for me.
(Portuguese) Just don't go eating it all yourself,
you're getting chubbier every day.
I'm very lucky I've got a constitution where I never put on weight.
(Phone)
- Hello. - (Ringing continues)
Oop. Sorry.
(Ringing continues)
Hello?
- Thank you. - (Portuguese) Não!
- Eu peço imensa desculpa. - Oh, no. Hold on.
- God, it's half the book. Oh, no. - Que desastre.
Just leave them, please! They're not important.
They're not worth it!
Stop! Stop.
Aa-ahh.
It's all just rubbish.
Just leave it.
Oh, God, she's in.
And now she'll think I'm a total spaz if I don't go in too.
(Portuguese) Fuck - it's cold!
Fuck - it's freezing! Fuck!
(Portuguese) This stuff better be good.
It's not worth it, this isn't bloody Shakespeare.
(Portuguese) I don't want to drown
saving some shit my grandmother could have written.
Just stop. Stop.
(Portuguese) What kind of idiot doesn't make copies?
I really must do copies.
There'd better not be eels in here.
(Portuguese) Try not to disturb the eels.
Oh, what the hell is that?
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I know. I'll name one of the characters after you.
(Portuguese) Maybe you could name one of the characters after me.
Or give me 50% of the profits.
Or I could give you 5% of the profits.
(Portuguese) What kind of book is it?
- Romance? - Yes.
It's, erm... (Imitates horror film sound effects)
Ah, er...
(Portuguese) Thriller... crime...
(Portuguese) Sim. (English) Crime. Crime, murder.
(Portuguese) Frightening? (Gasps)
Er, scary? Yes, sometimes scary.
And, er, sometimes not. Mainly scary how bad the writing is.
Mm.
(Portuguese) I'd better get back to work.
- Ah. - (Portuguese) Later you'll drive me home?
Sure.
It's my favourite time of day...
driving you.
(Portuguese) It's the saddest part of my day, leaving you.
Sorry.
(Pidgin Portuguese) Oh. Appolo... Erm, appologia.
Grande, er... grande familio, grande tradizione de Christmas presents.
Stupido.
Well, goodbye.
(Portuguese) Thank you.
Erm, it was, erm...
(Portuguese) I will miss you.
And your very slow typing...
and your very bad driving.
(Car horn)
(Portuguese) Oh, my God, I've got a terrible stomachache.
It must have been the prawns.
Milton Keynes has many roundabouts.
(Portuguese) My goodness, this is a very big fish!
It tastes delicious!
All alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
All alone on Christmas Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Tell me I've got to know
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas Don't leave me alone
(Portuguese) Good evening.
- Senhor Barros? - Sim.
I am here to ask your daughter
for her hands in marriage.
You want to marry my daughter?
Yes.
Come here,
there is a man at the door.
He wants to marry you.
But I've never seen him before.
Who cares?
You're going to sell me to a complete stranger?
Sell? Who said sell? I'll pay him.
Pardon me. I'm meaning your other daughter - Aurelia.
She's not here - she's at work. I'll take you.
You! Stay here.
As if I would. Stupid!
Father is about to sell Aurelia as a slave to this Englishman.
Wait. Wait.
Oh, no.
You better not say yes, Father.
Shut up, Miss Dunkin' Donut 2003.
Apparently he is going to kill Aurelia.
Cool!
- (Portuguese) Where is Aurelia? - Why should I tell you?
This man wants to marry her.
He can't do that - she's our best waitress.
Boa noite, Aurelia.
Boa noite, Jamie.
Beautiful Aurelia...
I've come here with a view to asking you...
to marriage me.
I know I seems an insane person because I hardly knows you
but sometimes things are so transparency,
they don't need evidential proof.
And I will inhabit here, or you can inhabit with me in England.
Definitely go for England, girl.
You'll meet Prince William - then you can marry him instead.
Of course I don't expecting you to be as foolish as me,
and of course I prediction you say no...
but it's Christmas and I just wanted to... check.
Oh, God - say yes, you skinny moron.
(Portuguese) What did you say?
Yes, of course.